love

Singleness and Self Discipline

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The self control you exhibit in your life as a single person will directly impact your ability to exhibit self control within your marriage someday.

Remaining faithful in marriage requires restraint, control, intention. If we live frivolously before marriage then the shift to faithfulness and monogamy will be a sharp transition.

Those who remain faithful to their spouses for life do so not because of love, but because of commitment. They choose to stay devoted. Choose to honor each other, in word and deed…and body. And oh, how sweet, is a marriage built on honor and trust and commitment (those, I hear, have the best sex!). 

So now, in my own life, I choose to honor my husband with my body BEFORE I have even met him. I do not sleep around. I don’t even mess around. Not because I am not tempted and do not have my own desires. But because I want to tell him, someday, that I chose a life of faithfulness to him over the fleeting pleasures offered today. And when I meet him, I pray God gives me the strength to honor him with my body while we date. And will sustain that grace to honor him with my body the rest of my life in marriage.

I see my time of singleness, right now, as my training ground. I am disciplining my flesh for marriage. Think of it this way…if you are 25 when you marry you have had about 10 years of “practice” and behavioral habits that you take into your marriage. What are you going to use that time for? Is there something you are doing in your life right now that you KNOW is a bad habit that you cannot take into marriage? Why not work to discipline yourself now, before marriage. Choose to be honoring to your future marriage…today.

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13.3-5, quoting Deuteronomy 31.6

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. Numbers 6.24-26 (Aaronic blessing)

Check out Sacred Search by Gary Thomas (which prompted the thoughts above. Gary shares it in a much more witty and straightforward way than I previously experienced. I recommend his book. If you are already married, and a woman, check out Sacred Influence.)

God feels….

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Recently, I was discussing this latest blog topic with a friend of mine. And I was passionately sharing how God is never disappointed in us because he is never surprised by our sinfulness. He looked right at me and asked “then what does he feel when we sin?” I’ll admit, in that moment, I did not have a brilliant answer. I said, “sad, i guess”….but even as I spoke the simple answer, the joy in my declaration of his lack is disappointment faded and my mind began to ponder this question. What does he feel when we make these mistakes?

I heard an amazing quote once: EXPECTATIONS ARE PREMEDITATED OFFENSES.

This quote goes right along with the point I was trying to make about how God differs from humans. In our daily lives, we get disappointed in people all the time, and most times, as the quote above states, it is because we had an expectation of behavior that did not occur in reality. “I thought you were going to call” or “i can’t believe you thought that would be okay” or “why didn’t you …..”  You see, if you really look at most of our frustrations with other people, they start with US, they start when we project expectations on others and when those are not met then we get hurt or frustrated or angry.

I’m not saying there isn’t a good place for expectations. Because obviously there is!!! We expect people to wear clothes, show up to work/school, respect each other…etc. I’m just saying, many offenses are birthed out of unrealistic expectations or even just miss communicated expectations. And I pray God gives us more grace to understand how different we are and have patience for our differences. Diversity is part of the beauty in God’s creation.

Anyway, that was just for some clarity and observation that we humans and God differ in the area of disappointment because God doesn’t live in the limited space of time and sinfulness that we do. But the questions remains….what does he feel?

The question itself implies a lot about what my friend believes….and I agree with him on this note: GOD FEELS. Here are a few examples in scripture: He is grieved (Psalm 78.40), angry (Deuteronomy 1.37), pleased (1 Kings 3.10), joyful (Zephaniah 3.17), and moved by pity (Judges 2.18). (side note: in Hebrew, the same word is used for grieved and pity, as seen in the list above, and it means to be sorry or console oneself, regret, be comforted. It is used many times in the Old Testament to show both God and people changing their minds / emotions about situations….may have to research and write a blog on that word! It looks interesting….) Anyway, there are many references in scripture about the emotions of God (has anyone read about the exodus?? The interactions between the Lord and Moses have always made me smile and wonder about how emotional God can be!).

Others believe that the emotions of the Lord as presented in scripture are figurative, relating it to the emotional equivalent of anthropomorphisms (there’s my big word for the day, it means giving physical attributes to God: hands of God (Exodus 15.17), feet (1 Kings 5.3), eyes (2 Chronicles 16.9) etc) Also, I found there is a word for describing the emotions of God, which is anthropopathisms. Now you are fully equipped to go sound super intelligent today by working that into random conversation! Don’t say I never gave you anything!! haha

The point is not that we have fancy words for how we talk about God (altho that is kind of fun) but that we, as readers of scripture, have to decide if we are projecting our humanity ONTO God, or if we are discovering the nature of God within ourselves as found in scripture. Does God feel pity? Get angry? Regret? Because some would say that saying “the hand of God” is the same as saying “the anger of God”…that neither one really exist, they are just words scripture uses to describe God at a given moment.

The fear, on our part, may be that if we attribute emotions, as a whole, to God, then we wonder if He is also moody and unpredictable in the same way we are! The balance, in my opinion, is to realize that God FEELS many of the same emotions we do but He is not wallowing in the sinfulness that we are. I would argue that feelings are part of his nature that He breathed into Adam and Eve and that He is the original source of all genuine and good emotions. And the negative ones that we have to deal with are the result of the fallen world we live in (fear, doubt, envy, jealousy…).

I had a professor once that said “The day God gave man free will was the day he opened a wound that would never heal.” That was probably the first time I remember thinking about how our actions affect God. That statement troubled me deeply. I don’t believe in the full extent of what he was saying, but its an interesting, and necessary, thought for believers. How do our actions / choices affect God?

Because we are broken and bruised people, then for many, our mental picture of God is so skewed and distorted. Some may see him as a distant, angry, zeus-like, dictator, etc. So the purpose in communicating God’s lack of disappointment was meant to encourage those who have this feeling, and even those who just struggle to feel the need to perform for God’s love (don’t we all?!), that his love is not dependent on our actions. ……….. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8.38-39) ………. But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us,even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast (Ephesians 2.4-9) ……… But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5.8).

You can decide for yourself what God feels when you sin. But for me, the most moving factor to remember is that no matter what I DO and no matter what HE FEELS …. He loves me. He loves me the same yesterday, today, and forever. He loved me before I ever existed. He knew the worst thing I would ever do, the most selfish moment on earth that I would ever have, and He looked through the lattice of time and said “I choose her” and “I love her” and nothing I ever do can separate me from His love. The more I accept His perfect love, the more I am changed for the better. Sin is not dissipated because I don’t want to hurt God’s feelings. That may feel like a motivation, but it is shallow and incomplete. I am deterred from my selfishness because there is someone more beautiful and desirable than anything on earth that tries to distract me from Him. And by staring into the eyes of perfection and grace, into the eyes of my heavenly Father, I am able to become more of who He created me to be and turn away from my selfish ways.

disappointment

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Just a note….when listening to a sermon in the gym, be cautious. Because when you are lifting weights next to the super buff guy and you bust out laughing…he will think you are laughing at him and make evil eyes at you. hahaha

Anyway…I was listening to a great sermon from New Spring Church about the life of Job. The pastor was discussing performance….which is a constant struggle for me personally. He said something that ROCKED my world, so I wanted to share.

What is disappointment? Disappointment is to fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of another person. What have we all heard from a parent or friend at some point?…. “I am so disappointed in you.” That most painful phrase. Because they expected us to behave in a certain way, which we did not, and therefore they were disappointed.

So what about God? Has God ever been disappointed in me? My instinct says YES! I have disappointed him over and over and over and over again. But wait…has God ever been surprised by my failures or my weaknesses? Has he ever been surprised by my sin? my selfishness? my pride? ….NO!!! God has never been surprised and therefore God has never been disappointed! You see, God KNEW all my sin, failure, selfishness, pride, lust, anger, judgement, envy, all my worst junk and he looked into my future and saw everything bad that I would ever do and he chose me anyway. He loved me anyway. Yes, He loves me anyway. 

There is an EPIC song by Misty Edwards called I Knew What I was Getting Into….here is a youtube link, listen and prepare to get rocked: http://youtu.be/GLYB0F4Uzeo

Too many times we build our theology on our experiences and not on the truth and word of God. Don’t let our humanity in the area of disappointment mislead you into thinking that God feels the same way. Just think of Gideon in the Old Testament (found in Judges 6-8). God called him out, a coward among men, to lead a tiny army to defeat their enemy. All along the way, Gideon was weak and fearful and every time he had doubts the Lord affirmed and encouraged Gideon. And He used Gideon to bring great victory for the Israelites. Gideon was willing to listen and obey, despite his imperfections. God is asking the same of us.

God the Father knew you and chose you long ago, and his Spirit has made you holy. As a result, you have obeyed him and have been cleansed by the blood of Jesus Christ. May God give you more and more grace and peace. 1 Peter 1.2

http://newspring.cc/watchandlisten/ to see/listen online or you can get their sermons free on iTunes. I HIGHLY recommend the Eve and Adam series about women!!! So good!!

love shame intimacy

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love your neighbor as yourself. seems simple enough. but what if you don’t love yourself? what if you know all the flaws and shortcomings and sins about yourself that no one else does? What if your thoughts are selfish and wicked? What if you judge other people? We judge what they wear, and what they say, and how they spend their money, and how they show love. I judge.

love your neighbor as yourself. i think this principle is less something to strive towards and more a reflection of reality. I think WE DO love our neighbor as we love ourselves. the problem is the way we love ourselves. the problem is what we think about ourselves. we see weakness and sin and failure and then when we look at others, guess what we see?? weakness and sin and failure. we turn the hatred for ourselves outwards towards other people.

I have to learn to see Christ in me before i can see Christ in others.

If i may take this a step further….

Shame is the key to this issue, in my opinion. When Adam and Eve became aware of their sin for the first time ever, shame entered the world. Then, instead of continuing the relationship built on intimacy and vulnerability, they covered the parts of their bodies that represented the intimacy that had been broken. The covered their bodies from each other AND from God. Shame took their eyes off of each other and what they had been given and put it on themselves. They thought covering themselves was the answer. And we do the same thing today. We cover our shame with other stuff (anger? food? cutting? distance? lies? silence?) and separate ourselves from intimacy with God and with other people. Even though intimacy is the answer. Intimacy is the answer. Intimacy is the answer. did you get that yet? Intimacy creates life. Intimacy creates good fruit. Intimacy creates. So the enemy attacks intimacy and tricks us into separation, self hatred, and shame.

In the Old Testament, men lived in a visitation society. God came and met with them then he left again. We no longer live in a visitation society because Christ died for our sins and the Holy Spirit has come and lives inside of us. All the time. And because of Jesus’ sacrifice, we live in a season of GRACE. not judgement, but grace. we are covered by His blood and when God looks at us He sees the reflection of Himself that He placed in us in the womb and longs to call out our destiny and our beauty. He longs to draw near and give us experiences with Him.

Our prayer must arise: Father, what do you think of me?

When we know what the Father thinks of us, and how much he loves us, and is overjoyed by us, and is ravished in love with us, then we can finally RECEIVE his love, as he is the source of love, and then, finally, we can love others. And then, finally, we can uncover our shame and enter into intimacy with God and with our friends and family.

So the next time you want to cover your shame with a DQ blizzard or a tv marathon or a shopping spree, just stop and sit and ask the Lord to give you what you need in that moment. and once we learn to get our needs met from the source of all things good, then we can start to give others around us what they need too: love.